Moving On
by lissylou78
Summary: Post 'I love you and taking it back...'


Felicity had collapsed on to her couch with a groan. Nothing like being bait to a mission and being held at blade point to exhaust a girl. She lay there for awhile trying to empty her brain of what had just transpired in the last sixty hours. When she failed she sighed and dragged herself off her couch to take a shower in hopes to wash away her memories as she couldn't will herself a lobotomy for that part of her brain. Just as she rose from the couch her phone pinged, she smiled as she saw a message from Diggle.

"Hey Felicity, tough few days. You need to talk you call. Got it?" she quickly typed back a reply,  
"Thanks Dig. I may take you up on that one day soon. For now, I am putting a lot of weight on a long hot shower. That goes both ways too you know."  
"I do know. Call if you need anything. I'll see you in a few. Lila and I are going to take some time. Oliver is staying at mine, I'll be at Lila's."  
"Enjoy your time together. You both need it. Take care, the both you."  
"You too."

Felicity thought it was a great idea that John and Lila were taking some time out and wondered if she could get away with doing the same. The last words that came out of Oliver's mouth was he was going to check in on Laurel, which meant for all she knew he would be camped out with her until Diggle got back. The more she thought about it, the more it appealed to her. While she showered she contemplated on where to go. In the end she decided on visiting her mother, it had been a little while since she had been to Vegas.

After her shower she had packed her bag and headed to what she would guess would be their new lair as the old one had been destroyed by Slade. The last time she had been there was when they found Oliver after searching for him after his mother was killed. She wanted to take measurements and take a good look at it so she can design a floor plan. Afterwards she had gone back to their old lair so she could see what could be salvaged. By the sight of it she knew that no one had been back there since it was destroyed, which only confirmed that Oliver was more than likely still at Laurel's as she had not heard from him at all. She tried to not be annoyed by that, but she was.

She had pulled apart her computer and salvaged what she could and placed it in a box and labelled it. She did the same with what was left of their weapons and stacked them against the wall, so should Oliver and Diggle want to move into the new lair they would know what to take. In fairness she could have waited for them, and chances are she would get a stern talking to when they realize what she had done without them, but for her it was therapeutic. It felt like she was physically compartmentalizing whilst in her mind she was still struggling to compartmentalize what she knew she would need to if she were to remain in the team.

Like the three words that literally knocked the wind out of her, how it broke her the moment he handed her the syringe and it became evident that it was all a part of the ruse. She didn't have to give him an out, but a part of her felt like if she did give him an out then at least she had some control in it. So much for that plan, because she still felt like she was swept into a tornado. Then again, hadn't that been her life since she became the Arrow's girl Friday. When she was done she realized she needed another shower, and just had enough time to grab one before heading to the airport.

As she boarded the plane she thought she had better drop Diggle a message to let him know of her whereabouts so at least one of them knew where she would be.

"Hey Dig, I figured while you're away I would go see my Mom. I didn't bother telling Oliver as I know he's with Laurel and didn't want to disturb that. So in case he's looking for me, I'm accounted for. Doubtful but just in case. I'm going technology free."  
"A trip home to your Mama is well deserved. You could use it. Enjoy. I know you don't get to do it often. Will cover for you, and Felicity he will ask." John said pointedly in his text.  
"Thanks Dig, you're the best. Love to that Baby Mama of yours." She answered pointedly ignoring his last comment which did not go unnoticed.

John knew something had gone down between Oliver and Felicity. He also knew that Felicity wasn't ready to talk about it. He felt that something had shifted between his two friends and hoped whatever it was, they would recover. Or more so Felicity would recover, who already had so much to deal with the past year. There were some days when he wanted to shake Oliver, then there were others where he just wanted to punch him in the face for what he seemed so blissfully unaware of.

Felicity had skipped the phone call and just decided to surprise her Mom. It had been over a year since she had seen her Mom. Arrow business had kept her so busy that she hadn't had time to go home. She missed her Mom. Whilst they were so vastly different, Felicity did not take for granted what her mother had sacrificed to make sure that she could live out her dreams. To reach for the stars. She never gave her the idea that she couldn't be anything she wanted to be. She watched her mother put not only her through school, but also herself. To get a business degree so she wouldn't have to wait tables anymore at the casino and actually become a manager for one of the reputable hotels along the strip. She was incredibly proud of who her mother was, and who she raised both of them to be. She had Felicity as such a young age that she was barely an adult and her Dad had left not long after she was born that Donna Smoak had no choice but to raise a child on her own when she too could pass as a child.

As she walked up to the reception of the hotel where her mother worked, those at the desk recognized her.

"Felicity," Gerard greeted standing to his feet and making his way from behind the desk to envelope her into a hug.  
"Hi Ger! It's so good to see you."  
"You too Sweetheart. Does your Mom know you're coming? She hasn't mentioned it."  
"No she doesn't. I thought I would surprise her. She's finishing up right?"  
"Yeah just about, let me look at you. You look great sweetheart. You could use some meat in them bones but aside from that you're looking beautiful."  
"You're biased but I'll take it." Felicity replied kissing him on the cheek. Just as was she was about to greet the rest of them her mother emerged from the side door.  
"Felicity! You're here."  
"Surprise Mom! I had some time so I thought I'd come and bum around home for awhile. I hope that's okay."  
"Are you kidding me, of course it is. It's so good to see you sweetheart. It's been far too long." Donna exclaimed drawing her daughter into her arms. Felicity bit her lower lip trying to contain her emotions. It wasn't until that moment she realized just how much she missed her Mom and being home.  
"I've missed you too Mom. You ready to go? I dropped my gear at home before coming to get you. If you weren't too tired I thought we could hit Danes?" she asked hopefully.  
"Of course honey. Let's go home first so I can change into jeans."

Danes Diner was their hangout whilst she was growing up. Clara Danes was like an Aunt to Felicity, she was her mother's best friend. She ran the family diner, and for awhile her Mom worked there as a second job to make ends meet. When she was little Felicity used to do her homework on the counter. If her mother was working, whether at the Casino or at the Diner, Felicity would be there. Clara more often then not watched over Felicity who was never any trouble. When Felicity was old enough she started helping out. Donna refused Clara paying Felicity until she was legally old enough to work, so Clara used to pay her in ice cream or pie. It was their little secret.

"Felicity Smoak, as I live and breathe. Get into these arms young lady?" Clara greeted as Felicity walked in the door. Felicity grinned and walked into Clara's opened arms allowing the older lady to engulf her into a warm hug.  
"It's good to have you home Kiddo."  
"It's good to be home."  
"Hey Don, long time no see." Clara teased as they all laughed, knowing that Donna ate most of her meals at Clara's.  
"So the usual for the Smoak girls?" Felicity nodded eagerly. It had been way too long since she's had a Dane's burger, which by far beat Belly Burger, and that was a big call.  
"Yes please."  
"Your table is free if you want to reclaim it." Clara said pointing to the booth that they always sat at that the locals knew never to sit in because there was an unspoken rule that it belonged to the Smoak girls. Like a child Felicity beamed and headed straight to the booth. Donna and Clara shared a glance. It was good to have their not so little girl home.

"It's great to have you home hon," Donna said placing a hand over Felicity's.  
"It's so good to be home Mom. I'm sorry it's taken so long to come back. I've missed you."  
"It's okay. I understand. I have missed you too. So tell me about you. How's work? Oliver and John?"  
"Work has been a little crazy after Moira's death. QC was taken over and as of a few days ago we are all unemployed. Which isn't a big deal. I have some savings and a few offers already I just need to weigh out my options. John and Lila are expecting."  
"How exciting for them, and Oliver?" Donna pried,  
"He's Oliver. Stoic and broody. I'm sure currently reconciling with the love of his life at this very moment." She added looking away. There it was, she knew her daughter inside out and she had known from the first mention of Oliver Queen that her daughter had feelings for him. Knowing Felicity wasn't quite ready to talk about it yet Donna reached over and cupped her daughters cheek.  
"What do you say we hit the Disk o Ride after dinner has settled." Felicity lit up and nodded excitedly.  
"Yes, it has been far too long. Thanks Mom." Felicity said gratefully looking right at her mother who know it was a multi faceted thank you.  
"You're welcome baby."

After a night full of fun with her Mom they had returned home and immediately got ready for a night of movies in their PJ's. True to her word the moment Felicity had left Starling City she had turned her phone off. She had a Phone designated for her life out of Starling City to keep her two worlds separate and that was what she carried with her whilst she was in Vegas. She wasn't at all surprised when the messages started flooding in from her friends. It didn't take long for news to spread that the prodigal daughter had returned. They were having a Classics marathon when her phone beeped incessantly.

"Looks like the Danes Café bat call is as reliable as ever," Donna pointed out knowingly pointing to Felicity's phone that remained untouched on the coffee table.  
"Apparently so. Bless Clara."  
"She's so happy you're home Kid."  
"I am too." Felicity replied somewhat loaded, her mind going a million miles an hour. Was she seriously considering moving back home? She shook her head as if shaking her thoughts away.  
"You have Felicity ponder face on. Want to share?"  
"There's a part of me that wants to come home for good but I'm not sure that's coming from the right place right now so hold your enthusiasm." Donna smiled and patted her daughters arm,  
"Baby I would love to have you home, but you and I both know if you're making that decision for all the wrong reasons you will never be happy here. At least not in the way you deserve to be. I know you and I can spot a runaway Felicity anywhere."  
"I just don't know how to be around him anymore. A lot has happened in the last few days. Things we can't really just move on from. Or at least I can't. Words can't be unspoken, despite how hard we all try."  
"That may be so but if you don't talk about it and just bolt, you will never be free of him. You will always leave a part of your heart in Starling City and as great as he may be, he doesn't deserve that. You have to live your life for you. Choose what you can live with and run with it. Whatever you decide I'm right here. Don't run because you're scared. Tell him how you really feel. If it's not mutual then make your decisions. Not until then."

Felicity and her Mom eventually fell asleep on the couch between Girls just want to have fun and the beginning of Beaches. Felicity told her Mom about the job opportunities that she had been presented with and they discussed them as though they were actually possibilities for consideration which in fairness to Felicity in her mind they were. Even if her heart was egging it on for its own bruised perspective.

"Hey Dig, how's the time out going?" Oliver asked checking in after a couple of days. He had just called Felicity and had been advised by her provider that her phone was switched off which he had never known Felicity to do. Dig guessed he had finally figured out that Felicity was incognito.  
"Good. Lila's just taking a nap while I grab us dinner. How are you? You settled in at home?"  
"Yeah man thanks for letting me crash at your place."  
"No problem."  
"Hey Dig, have you heard from Felicity?"  
"Yeah, when I told her Lila and I were taking a few days she said she might too. She's going technology free so her phone is off. Good for her. She needs the time out too. She's had a pretty rough year too," Dig added somewhat pointedly and Oliver felt the guilt wash over him. That night in the Queen mansion flashed through his mind followed by Isobel, Sara, the numerous times he had snapped at her and just taken her for granted knowing that at the end of it all she understood him and always forgave him. Could she forgive him those three words he said and callously took back without an explanation.

"Did she mention when she would be back?" He asked.  
"No, but I didn't ask either. I figured she should take all the time she needs. I'm sure she'll touch base after a few days to check in." Dig wasn't sure if he was meant to disclose her whereabouts so he changed the topic.  
"Lila has a meeting with Waller in the morning. I was going to drop her off. Did you want to meet at the old lair and see what we can salvage?"  
"Sounds like a plan. I was going to go tonight after dinner with Laurel but tomorrow sounds good." He didn't say that he was putting off going to the old lair without them. He realised just how much he had come to rely on them how far they had all come together. He felt the pang of missing Felicity and decided to write her a quick email before he left for dinner.

Felicity was having a blast being back home. She caught up with friends, hung out with her Mom and whatever time she had that weren't allocated to that she was at Danes in her booth re-reading books she loved growing up. She knew that she would need to face reality soon enough. Make decisions, check and respond to emails as she knew the offers made were sent with contracts she needed to go through.

"Megsy, I left you here hours ago reading. You're still here reading?" Auggie teased sitting beside her.

Felicity grinned as she looked up at him. Auggie Danes had been her best friend since they were born. Auggie was Clara's nephew whom she adopted when his mother had passed away at child birth. Both he and Felicity had grown up in the Diner. Felicity held up her copy of Little Women with a sheepish grin.

"Well of course, what else would you be reading?"  
"I don't know what you're talking about? I just happen to love this book."  
"Who are you talking to Megsy? Little Women is your go to novel when you're trying not to process anything. It's your escape book."  
"Well, do you want a medal for knowing me so well?" Auggie chuckled.  
"You know, your Mom is right. You're never going to be at peace with any decision you make until you have processed not just what happened a week or so ago. You need to process the last couple of years since Oliver Queen walked into your life."  
"I'm scared to Auggie,"  
"And I get that, but Megsy until then you will never truly feel free of him, if that is what you truly want."

Dig and Oliver got to the lair to find it completely packed up minus the things Felicity couldn't physically carry everything else was neatly stacked against the wall and labelled accordingly.

"Did you know she was going to do this?" Oliver asked,  
"Do you really think I would have let her do it by herself if I did?"  
"Sorry," Oliver replied apologetically. Oliver took a quick inventory in his head and tried not to panic when he couldn't find a trace of Felicity in the room. Any personal effect she had, was all gone. Dig too had come to the same conclusion and hoped it didn't mean what they both feared it did.  
"She probably took it home to keep it safe until we move to the new lair." He said attempting to reassure Oliver and himself.

Oliver and Dig moved their equipment from the old lair to the new. They had found Felicity's note taped to their weapons noting what they would need to fully set up the new lair and that she had placed the order providing Diggle's name for when it's ready for pick up. It was typical Felicity and they were hoping there was nothing more to it.

A week had passed and Felicity had not yet returned. John watched as Oliver began to look more and more anxious. He had heard from Felicity as she checked in and let him know that she was having a good time and that she may stay a little longer. From the unspoken worry within his friend John knew that he had not heard from Felicity.

He watched her from afar, there was such abandon he hadn't seen in such a long time. A happiness that had somehow dimmed in the last year, he didn't realise by how much until he saw it and reminded him of the Felicity he had first met. She was in a conversation that had her laughing hysterically and the sound of her laughter seemed foreign to him. Had it been that long? His heart tightened feeling as though he was invading on a private moment, one he was no longer privy to.

"Hey Megs, have you told Oliver where you are?" Auggie asked curiously. They had tabled the conversation of Oliver since he had told her she needed to process her feelings.  
"No, why?" She asked suddenly frowning,  
"Because I think your silence has summoned him." Felicity froze as she followed Auggie's gaze and there he was. Oliver watched as her complete abandon transition to guardedness. He saw her walls rise as she gave him a somewhat confused and tepid smile waving him over to join them as she stood to her feet.  
"Oliver, what are you doing here?" She asked as he stood before her.  
"Are Dig and Lila okay? Has something happened?" She continued alarmed.  
"Everyone's okay Felicity." He assured her before she worked herself up.  
"Oh okay. That's good. Oliver, this is my best friend Auggie Danes. Auggie this is Oliver Queen, my boss." Oliver tried not to feel hurt by her classification.  
"Nice to meet you. It's good to put a face to the name and meet people outside Megsy's life in the hood." Auggie greeted holding his hand out to Oliver who shook it.  
"Please join us," Auggie said pointing to the seat in front of him.  
"Thanks," Oliver replied trying to sense what Felicity was thinking but drew a blank as she revealed nothing.  
"Yes, of course have a seat. Let me me grab you a menu," Felicity said walking off to the counter, leaving Oliver confused.  
"She used to work here, we both did. Heck forget that, we grew up here. My Aunt owns the joint. Megs and I were both raised by working mothers." Auggie explained. Oliver had learned more about Felicity's past in those two sentences than in the years he has known her. He knew it was because he never asked.  
"Megs?"  
"For Megan, my middle name." Felicity answered as she handed him a menu.  
"Thank you," Felicity smiled as she sat beside Auggie.  
"Alright Handsome, what can I get you?"  
"Aunt Clara!" Felicity admonished embarrassed, making Auggie and Oliver laugh.  
"Hi, I'm Clara. You a friend of our little bug?" She asked as Felicity transitioned to a deeper shade of red.  
"Ahh yes, I would like to think so." He answered sincerely looking at Felicity somewhat.  
"Well any friend of our bug is a friend of ours. Now what can I get you?"  
"I think he could use the Clara special," Felicity slipped in.  
"Sure, why not." Oliver nodded handing the menu back to Clara.  
"August why don't you come help me back in the kitchen so that I can send Jane on her break."  
"Sure Mom," Auggie slid out of the booth and gave Felicity a pointed look.  
"Subtle as a sledgehammer," she muttered as they left her and Oliver alone.  
"What are you doing here in Vegas Oliver?" She asked looking up at him.  
"I wanted to, I needed to see you."  
"Why?"  
"Because I wasn't sure you were ever coming back?" He replied honestly,  
"Firstly, Dig would kill me. Secondly, I would never do that without saying goodbye properly, and even if I decided to never come back why would it matter?" She asked somewhat nonchalantly with a shrug.  
"It does matter. You matter." He answered evenly and forcefully. He could tell by her demeanour that she didn't believe him.  
"Felicity, we need to talk."  
"Isn't that what we're doing?"  
"We need to talk about that night." Felicity sighed and looked away,  
"We did that already. I sold it remember." She replied void of emotion as she looked at him right in the eye. He felts his heart tighten in his chest.  
"A Clara special as requested," Auggie said breaking the tension that filled the air. Felicity smiled up at her best friend and her eyes thanked him for his impeccable timing. Auggie placed a plate in front of Oliver.  
"Wow, thank you. It smells and looks amazing." He complimented temporarily tearing his gaze from Felicity to look up at Auggie.  
"Hey Megs, your Mom's on the phone. I think she's trying to finalise tonight."  
Felicity nodded and stood to her feet to take the call. Oliver's eyes didn't leave Felicity as he watched her grab the phone from the wall  
"For what it's worth, I know you care about her. To some degree, she does too. If you're here to ask her to come back, she probably would simply because you asked. But I'm asking you as her oldest and dearest friend that you tread carefully. She may be back to the Felicity you once knew but it's taken her the whole time she's been here to get there. You and I both know that she has feelings for you. Anyone who has eyes can see that. I don't exactly know what went down between you but I know I never want to see the shell of a girl that came home almost two weeks ago. I know enough about you to know that you're noble and that you think letting her go is the best thing for you and it probably is, but know this… you do that, you break her heart and not only will you have to live with that you can never go back. You can never take it back. So if you love her, fight for her, fight to keep her. If not, let her go. Break her heart, she's strong and she'll recover but don't come back. You have one chance here Oliver. Don't blow it." Auggie said softly as he met Oliver's eyes.  
"Thank you,"  
"You're welcome. Be warned, she's on fight mode. She's going to stonewall you and when she's done with that there will be yelling. Be prepared for anything."  
"Why are you telling me this?"  
"Because you may have broken her heart once before, but I have never seen, well heard her happier than when she started working for you. Megs is like a sister to me. We go way back, almost to utero. Her happiness is important to me, to all of us. She's so far away from home that we just want to know she's happy. Incoming…" He said as Felicity sauntered back to her seat beside Auggie looking from one to the other suspiciously.  
"So what's the plans?" He asked ignoring her curious looks that travelled from him to Oliver.  
"She just wanted to iron out times so she has enough time to go home and get ready or should she just change at work. First world problems."  
"Oliver, if you're sticking around you should totally join us. We're celebrating Megsy's birthday tonight in true Smoak form as only the great Donna Smoak can throw."  
"Birthday?" It occurred to him once more that he had never questioned when her birthday was. He always made a point to not address his birthday but never realised that meant both she and Dig never addressed theirs either.  
"It's okay. Dig and I keep it on the down low too. I met Auggie last year in Central City to celebrate. The year before that I went home. It's not a big deal." But it was and they all knew it.  
"So you should definitely come. It's an event not to be missed."  
"Yeah, if you're sticking around you should come." Felicity said extending the invitation gently stepping on Auggie's feet as she did as he had backed her into a corner.  
"Thank you."  
"Well I might head on over to the hotel and see if your Mom needs me to run last minute errands. I'll see you tonight Oliver. Megs will give you the details I'm sure."  
Felicity got up from her seat to let him out as he gave her a brief but meaningful squeeze before leaving them alone.  
"You should eat." She said pointing to his food as played with the Chilli fries that she was sharing with Auggie.  
"I'm going to eat and then why don't we go for a walk somewhere and talk for real."  
"Sure, eat up." She said evasively,  
After Oliver finished eating and tried to pay Clara waved him away.  
"Your money is no good here handsome."  
"Thank you." He said gratefully feeling completely welcomed into what was seemingly a tight knit family.  
"I'll see you tonight Lady Bug, we will party like its 1999!" Clara said giving Felicity a hug.  
"Bye Aunt C. See you tonight." Felicity replied with a laugh.

As they headed out Felicity led the way. Oliver followed somewhat silently beside her as though trying to conjure up the right words.

"So your friends seem really nice." Felicity nodded thoughtfully,  
"They're family, and they're awesome. Carla, and her husband George helped raise me. Actually Carla, George and my Mom were Auggie and my three parent household. They covered for each other a lot. When times were tough Carla and George gave my Mom a second job so she could study at the same time as working in the casinos and raising me. Between the three of them we never lacked for anything. Carla and George never had kids so when Auggie was born and lost his Mom at child birth they took him in. His Mom was Carla's youngest sister. From the get go, George and Carla poured all their love on to Auggie and several months later when I came along, on to me too. My Dad left my Mom when she got pregnant. Carla and my Mom had been best friends since high school. Both of them were generation Vegas born too. My Mom met my Dad and married him so young she never got a chance to dream outside Vegas. Whilst Carla and George are born and die in Vegas kind of people."  
"Do you realise that's the first thing you've ever told me about your life outside Starling?"  
"And how much do I know about your life prior to Arrow or about you in general?" She replied without a thought.  
"I don't know you any more than you know me." She added with a resolute shrug.  
"Felicity, you know me better than anyone." She raised her gaze to meet his,  
"Do I really though? Or is that what we tell ourselves for the status quo? Oliver's girl Friday, sidekick, personal assistant and gate keeper. I see what you want me to see and you banked that my feelings for you would fill the gaps. You give me just enough to keep me there. I love what we do, I do. I believe in it, I believe in the Arrow. I believe in Oliver Queen too. I just remembered that I believe in me too. And Oliver, in fairness you've never asked."  
"Felicity, you are more than all those things. I'm sorry I've taken you for granted. I've always been selfish and I guess I haven't changed but believe me when I tell you I care about you."  
"Oh Oliver, I know you do. I've always known to some degree that you care about me. You wouldn't be so caveman and unreasonable about so many things if you didn't feel at least somewhat responsible for me. This isn't about keeping tally of your shortcomings. At least that's not what I intended it to be. I needed to take the time out to sort it all out in my head and you came a couple of days too early."  
"Felicity I know I changed the game that night in the mansion." Felicity closed her eyes.  
"You did. I wish I could tell you it didn't but it did. It has. It is different. You stood there and you lied. I got why, I do. I just wasn't prepared for how much it would hurt to know that you lied so convincingly to my face. It made me replay all the other moments I cherished in my head and wonder if you were lying then too." She admitted giving him a full view of what she was struggling with.  
"I didn't lie Felicity." He said softly,  
"Oliver don't,"  
"I didn't. Caring about you, loving you. That's always been true. Everything that has led us to this moment has contributed to that. We may not bare our heart and soul to each other, divulge every moment of our lives to the other but my hearts knows you and your heart knows me. Through it all, I know you do and I know I love you. I just don't know how to be 'Us'. I'm scared to lose what we have so I hide behind the job. The need to protect you. But at the end of the day I'm just scared to lose you and by being so scared I lost you anyway."  
"What exactly are you saying Oliver? You can't say you love me to keep me. Even if you do and aren't willing to do anything about it doesn't really change anything. You would rather be alone than give us a go. It's not that you're not ready. You're just not willing to try, and that, that hurts too."  
"I'm sorry."  
"What you don't understand is that you've always been enough. I don't need you to be Arrow or Oliver Queen. I just needed you to be Oliver, but you never saw me. It's like every girl was in your radar but me. You keep jumping into relationships with one Lance sister to the other even if you're all aware that you're each other kryptonite and I'm done watching it. I'm done being your girl Friday." As the words came out she knew she meant them.

"I don't want to lose you Felicity. Tell me how I can fix this?"

"I don't know if there is any fixing us Oliver. You're not ready, and that's okay. I just have to do what's right for me now."

"Give me a couple of days. You and Me, let me prove to you how much I care about you, how I meant what I said last night, how I may not be ready but I want this, I want you. I want a future with you."

"Oliver,"

"Felicity, please."


End file.
